Help

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Hey i know my cock is small and it not exactly pretty. So i really could use all the help i could get.

abandon the idea that your cock is small and unpretty, because these are subjective, extraneous details and everyone with a dick has the ability to take a great dick pic. 

you haven’t taken a great dick pic. you’re not holding your dick or doing anything with it; it’s just sitting there. you’ve ripped off you pants and left your hoodie on and just snapped this shot with no thought spared for the pose, framing or background. it’s low effort, and it shows.

have a squiz through the A grade submissions and give it another go.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

(no subject)

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no no no no no no no.

the size of your dick is evident, okay? you don’t need to wedge a lighter against the base of your dick for scale, because we all have eyes. all this does is make your picture reek of desperation and insecurity, and detracts from any kind of eroticism or intimacy your picture may otherwise have had. worse still, it’s a blurry, low quality shot. 

this is not a good dick pic, sender. please peruse some of the A grade submissions and try again.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

I tried!

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the resigned tone of your subject line lets me know that you know that this is a terrible dick pic, and it is.

"i tried!" is not good enough, and not even true. you quite evidently didn’t try at all. you didn’t try enough to have fresh suds in the bath before you took this shot, you didn’t try enough to make your pose interesting and alluring, you didn’t try enough to make your dick look like anything but a half-floating off-center appendage. 

try harder.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D-.

Latino cock

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nope, sender, not good. not good at all.

this is way too zoomed in and weirdly cropped and you look like you’ve been using that one instagram filter that rising rappers use. there’s no context or nuance to this picture, it’s just your dick unsubtly thrust forth. please try again and change pretty much everything, maybe after reading a few of the A grade entries.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

My bf’s dick

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this picture was submitted by a friend of mine, and this is her boyfriend’s dick. she’s asked me to rate his dick pic.

Feel free to be harsh with him. He asked me to rank him one time and I gave him a 5 out of 10 lol

dude, this isn’t good. your own girlfriend has given you a five and she loves you and knows about all your good qualities and likes that cute thing you do with your mouth. i don’t know you, though. i just know that this is not a good dick pic.

the main problem is that it’s log-esque, with little surrounding detail or context. your dick pic doesn’t show a lot of thought or effort pose-wise, and there’s not enough of the rest of you in it. i’m pleased you’ve included your hand though, and the background is uncluttered, so good work on that. 

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D+.  

POC Dick Pic

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This is my standard dick pic. I’m usually self conscious about my body, hence the low quality. 

Keep making the world of pic dicks a better one!
it’s time to get a new standard dick pic, sender, and it’s time to stop using your insecurities about your body as an excuse for your poor pictures.
do you know what’s not making this a bad dick pic? anything about your body, which is perfectly attractive and normal. do you know what is making it a bad dick pic? the weird, restrictive cropping; the mundane outfit hanging in the background; and the lack of hands, except insofar as one is thrust awkwardly at the viewer in the top left hand corner of this shot. 

i believe in your potential to take a great dick pic, sender; one which can become your new standard. peruse the A-worthy entries on this blog a while and then have a stab at one yourself — there’s nothing holding you back.
thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D+.
Subm

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not into it, sender. 

first things first: you have a lipstick kiss mark on your groin. i guess that’s your rather obvious, unsubtle way of indicating that ladies love your cock, but my advice would be to ditch it: it’s corny, braggy, and it gives your picture a vague air of desperation. your shot is awkwardly framed, too zoomed-in, and you’ve paid little attention to the surrounding detail. where are your hands?

you can do better than this, sender, and you should.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

FW: pics

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oh man, sender; no. 

this is not so much a dick pic as it is a butthole pic, and while i’m sure buttholes are some people’s very favourite thing, looking straight into one like a bulls eye is zero per cent appealing to me. this is too close-up and contextless to be erotic, and (worse) the little background that’s visible is not even clear.

i think you can do much better than this, sender.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

(no subject)

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this is a picture of your penis inside a face. apart from that, sender, it’s unremarkable.

you’ve made a nominal attempt to be novel here but it’s totally undercooked — you haven’t even finalised the photo and there’s nothing unique or interesting about its contents. it seems like you thought putting your penis inside a face would… i dunno, fix everything? be impressive? ……………?

i mean, it’s comedic in the mildest of ways and i’ve not seen it done before, so those are pluses; but overall it’s leaving me decidedly nonplussed (informal usage).

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D+.

Dick pic

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Hi, her ya go hun. You likey?? :))))

no, sender, i don’t likey. i don’t likey at all.

what exactly did you think i’d likey? you’ve included barely anything except your dick in your picture, apart from your legs at a weird contorted angle and a poor unsuspecting playboy magazine which you honestly look like you’re about to piss on. you’re porky pigging, the background is some kind of weird crumpled mat, and in sum you’ve made absolutely no effort here at all.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D-.