Dick pic

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i’m sorry sender, but it’s terrible.

i mean, what about this dick pic did you think made it worth emailing to me? your dick is way too zoomed in, cut off by the frame and you’re not doing anything with it, it’s just there. your feet are dangling in the background and you’re wearing any old pair of shorts and you’ve quite evidently put zero thought into any aspect of the shot. 

i’d be offended if someone sent this to me in my personal life and i would caution you not to. please peruse the A grades for some inspiration before you photograph your penis again.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

Is this gud at all??

it’s not very good, no.

i mean, why would it be good when you’ve made no effort for it to be good? you’re just lying there, with no involvement of your hands and no attention paid to the background or pose; you’ve done the bare minimum and it shows.

perhaps peruse the A grades for a while, because there is abundant room for improvement here.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

Early effort

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I have recently lost more than 150 lbs and thus for the the first time had the confidence to engage in the sexting variety of repartee that a woman I’ve recently met wanted to do. I really don’t know what I’m doing and this whole process made me rather anxious so I thought this might be a worthwhile avenue for a few pointers. Thanks.

congratulations on reaching your goals and building self-esteem! your dick pic is terrible, though.

it may have been a better idea to spend some time on this site before attempting a submission: you can peruse the A grades for what works, and if you scan the worst submissions, you’ll see that they look like yours: contextless logs, with zero thought spared for the pose, tone or composition.

keep reading, sender; you’re sure to improve.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

(no subject)

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this is a hilarious but definitely very bad dick pic, sender.

this is just a veering-to-the-left log with the additional (and inexplicable) inclusion of the jumpman logo. his hand is definitely reaching into your penis but i don’t know if you thought about that or if it was deliberate; i’m not sure how much you thought about this picture at all.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D+.

Mine

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I’m trying new angles.

try literally any other angle, because this is the worst one.

there’s nothing erotic or enticing about a straight down, bird’s-eye-view shot of your dick. we’ve covered this. the inclusion of splayed feet is comically terrible, the floor is mundane, and in short there’s no effort here.

please try again.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

Help

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Hey i know my cock is small and it not exactly pretty. So i really could use all the help i could get.

abandon the idea that your cock is small and unpretty, because these are subjective, extraneous details and everyone with a dick has the ability to take a great dick pic. 

you haven’t taken a great dick pic. you’re not holding your dick or doing anything with it; it’s just sitting there. you’ve ripped off you pants and left your hoodie on and just snapped this shot with no thought spared for the pose, framing or background. it’s low effort, and it shows.

have a squiz through the A grade submissions and give it another go.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

(no subject)

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no no no no no no no.

the size of your dick is evident, okay? you don’t need to wedge a lighter against the base of your dick for scale, because we all have eyes. all this does is make your picture reek of desperation and insecurity, and detracts from any kind of eroticism or intimacy your picture may otherwise have had. worse still, it’s a blurry, low quality shot. 

this is not a good dick pic, sender. please peruse some of the A grade submissions and try again.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

I tried!

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the resigned tone of your subject line lets me know that you know that this is a terrible dick pic, and it is.

"i tried!" is not good enough, and not even true. you quite evidently didn’t try at all. you didn’t try enough to have fresh suds in the bath before you took this shot, you didn’t try enough to make your pose interesting and alluring, you didn’t try enough to make your dick look like anything but a half-floating off-center appendage. 

try harder.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D-.

Latino cock

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nope, sender, not good. not good at all.

this is way too zoomed in and weirdly cropped and you look like you’ve been using that one instagram filter that rising rappers use. there’s no context or nuance to this picture, it’s just your dick unsubtly thrust forth. please try again and change pretty much everything, maybe after reading a few of the A grade entries.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

My bf’s dick

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this picture was submitted by a friend of mine, and this is her boyfriend’s dick. she’s asked me to rate his dick pic.

Feel free to be harsh with him. He asked me to rank him one time and I gave him a 5 out of 10 lol

dude, this isn’t good. your own girlfriend has given you a five and she loves you and knows about all your good qualities and likes that cute thing you do with your mouth. i don’t know you, though. i just know that this is not a good dick pic.

the main problem is that it’s log-esque, with little surrounding detail or context. your dick pic doesn’t show a lot of thought or effort pose-wise, and there’s not enough of the rest of you in it. i’m pleased you’ve included your hand though, and the background is uncluttered, so good work on that. 

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D+.