do i get a lot of disembodied dicks in boxes, you mean? no. very few.
yeah, okay - it’s a dick in a box. heh, i guess. i get the reference, i see what you’re doing, i just don’t care that much. it’s not a good dick pic, & it’s not even a particularly good gag dick pic. i love you though, keep trying.
thank you for submitting to critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com. your dick pic gets a C-.
i snorted when i opened your dick pic and that’s because your dick has feet.
your dick looks like a wind-up toy for a hen’s night. your dick looks like it will run away if it gets scared. your dick looks, frankly, ridiculous. sender, this is Not A Good Look: it’s a log but with FEET sprouting out the side of it. feet.
you need to go back to the drawing board on this, sender. keep reading.
thank you for submitting to critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com. your dick pic gets a D+.
thank you for your picture & for your email asking me how to “fix your lonely cock”.
you have conspicuously arranged yourself so that i can see that your cock is the size of your forearm, & i think the implication is meant to be “ha ha, a cock like this, lonely huh? ;)”. well, whatever. you & i both know i’m not here to talk about the ins & outs of forearm-sized cocks, i’m here to talk about pictures.
yours is honestly quite good. it’d be better if you weren’t contorting yourself to prove how big you are, because we all have eyes; it would’ve benefited from a more natural pose but i do like how your hand is poised.
thank you for submitting to critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com. your dick pic gets a B+.
ohhhhh MAN i can’t believe i still get these from time to time.
i mean, look: i’ve covered this. there’s precisely nothing good to be said about dick pics like this. the thing about your line-up-an-inanimate-object-alongside-your-dick pic, though, is that the object you chose was a tube of toothpaste, which isn’t even an impressive thing for your dick to be shaped like.
"my dick is like this moderately long, bendy & minty-centred object" like where are you even going with this
thank you for submitting to critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com. your dick pic gets a D & not a D- because i’m honestly just amused at this point.
this was an unsolicited dick pic sent to me via a friend, & it’s probably about time i had a word about that.
every day dick pics are thrust into the faces of unwilling female recipients, & they’re widely hated for this reason. dudes (& it is invariably dudes): DON’T DO THIS. ever. foisting your penis onto someone who hasn’t consented to see it is hostile, rude & deeply unsexy.
irrespective of how marvelous you think your dick (or dick pic) is, if you’re sending it to someone who hasn’t consented to see it they will be nothing but unimpressed. send it to me instead at firstname.lastname@example.org, although preferably after doing a bit of reading here first.
CONSENSUAL DICK PICS ONLY 2014, & unsolicited dick pics forever & always get the hardest of D-'s.
okay! wow! this is actually really interesting. your ball sack is quite cold.
this is a dick pic that i want to look at for more than three quarters of a second so it’s a good dick pic on that basis alone. i have never seen a heat-mapped dick pic before & i have seen roughly 600 dick pics in the last two months, so well done on that.
the catch, though, is that the heat-mapping is really all that’s interesting about this dick pic; when you imagine it without the colour, you start to notice that the pose is uncreative, & the tone quite unerotic.
still, though, it does have colour! you did heat map it! who cares!
thank you for submitting to critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com. your dick pic gets an A-.
Anonymous asked: is it ok to reblog from you? i don't want to make anyone uncomfortable
it’s okay to reblog, thanks for checking
sapphicdalliances asked: god bless you and your constructive dick pic critiques and your lack of judgement re: bodies and your unapologetic diversity efforts and your lovely face and everything about this blog, it is literally one of my favourites
thank you! :+)
yes, you have done a very good job here, sender. a very good job.
like i say frequently (although it probably can’t be said frequently enough), it’s always nice when your dick is not the overwhelming focus of your dick pic. you have put more than three seconds’ thought into the lighting, angle and composition of your dick pic, & you will reap the rewards for that in your grade.
you have a conventionally attractive body but that’s not what’s getting you high marks here: it’s your effective use of shadow, your calculated restraint, & the carefully-planned structure of your picture. oh, & the fact that YOU’RE ACTUALLY LISTENING.
thank you for submitting to critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com. your dick pic gets an A.