trying again

thank you for this picture and the several other submissions you have sent to me at various times, mostly relating to your participation in small penis pageants.

you are obviously out and proud about your small penis, and, in a society that exhorts men to feel like shit if they don’t have huge horse dicks, that’s commendable. the thing is, though, your small dick pride isn’t translating into a good dick pic. that’s because your dick pic suffers from the crucial flaw of most dick pics: it revolves around size and makes no attempt at artistic quality. so your dick is small and you’re proud. great, why don’t you showcase it a little better? why don’t you get that LITERAL MEASURING TAPE out of your picture; create something less utilitarian and more enticing, intimate?

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D+.

Dick of color

this is not a good dick pic at all, sender. at all.

it’s blurry. it’s taken at a weird angle that distorts your shape. it’s got nothing except your dick and feet and messy covers in it. it lacks any semblance of imagination, thought or tact.  

this is a pretty standard, bottom-of-the-barrel dick pic and i’m not having it. please try again.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

(no subject)

i dunno, sender. it’s not terrible but it could be better.

you’ve included a generous swath of your body but the pose is a bit strange; made stranger by the fact that you’re lying on the floor with a foot visible. i can see junk (/shoes) in the background and the setting is mundane. your grip is convincing, though, which is good, and i like your sweatshirt even though you’re porky pigging.

i feel like there’s a better dick pic in you.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a C.

Trans & cis girl picture

This is a picture of me and my girlfriend. One of us is a cis girl, and the other is a trans girl - and this picture shows off both our dicks while we’re having a cuddle. We had a lovely and empowering time making this picture :)

Your site is amazing and inspirational, thank you!

thank you for your kind words about critique my dick pic, and thank you for your dick(s) pic. it’s very good.

you have created a serene tangle of bodies and body parts and, despite the fact that it displays dick-on-dick touching, your picture is quite innocent. there’s a subtle and effective use of sunlight and shadow, and a tangible sense that your bodies are in harmony. 

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets an A.

pics

this is a very “chill vibes” kind of dick pic and i like it.

your use of shadow and sunlight is interesting and effective and you’ve created a dick pic that’s stark yet still warm. there are a few simple elements at work here and while it’s not hugely punchy, it’s compelling in a quiet way.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a B+.

Poc dick pic.

Just randomly had the urge to take a new dick pic. Pardon the mess in the background.

mate.

you don’t say “pardon the mess in the background”, you clean up the mess and then you take a dick pic. it’s cool that you’ve included a generous amount of your body and i particularly like that your mouth and chin feature, but this is a weird in-your-face pose and the blur of background light is distracting.

it’s not the best i’ve seen, sender, and i’m sure it’s not the best you’re capable of.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a C-.

happy birthday critique my dick pic!

exactly one year ago today, critique my dick pic was born.

i started this blog as a half-joke but with an ambitious goal: to rid the world of dull, artless dick pics. it’s oddly emotional for me to think about the momentum this blog has gathered in such a short space of time, and i’m thrilled to have been able to participate in bigger discussions about things like the hostility of unsolicited dick pics, and the importance of curating dick pics inclusively. i’m genuinely so grateful to my senders and readers.

to celebrate this milestone, here are the top 10 dick pics so far, in reverse chronological order:

10.  this series from a generous sender had my losing my professional composure:

9. a perfect POC dick pic:

8.  a team effort that resulted in a charming, peaceful dick pic:

7.  a valiant strap-on submission:

6. a (maybe) dick pic model shows us how it’s done:

5. a simple, thoughtful effort that impressed me: 

4. a submission that pushed the boundaries of what counts as a dick pic that i was happy to let sneak in:

3. another heartwarming and funny team effort:

2. to date, still the most memorable dick pic i have ever received:

1. and finally, the first dick pic that gave me hope:

thanks once again to everyone who has contributed to this site, and if you love critique my dick pic, remember that you can donate! here’s to another strong year for dicks xox

For your consideration

okay yeah i like this.

your dick pic is witty and that’s not a word i often use to describe dick pics. it’s faux-coy and playful and very well-planned. somehow it manages to balance humour with sex appeal: your hand placement and grip is doing a lot of work at the sex appeal end, and that swath of torso doesn’t hurt either. 

it’s a mundane sort of setting but that seems deliberate and somehow it’s working for you. it’s just fun and light and flirty and balanced and all sorts of things that dick pics generally aren’t. 

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets an A-.

(no subject)

oh no, this is very bad.

sender, there’s a glaring lack of effort here. this is a blurry log and you’re posing like a roast chicken. i honestly don’t know what else to say.

please start again from scratch, perhaps after perusing the A grades.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D-.

Chillin’ on the beach

this is a very carefree dick pic, sender.

there you are, just hanging out on a secluded beach with your dick out. someone’s helped you to take a carefully composed shot, while you gaze off calmly into the shore break. good for you. it’s not HOT HOT HOT but it’s pretty fun, light and visually appealing.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a B+.