Help

image

Hey i know my cock is small and it not exactly pretty. So i really could use all the help i could get.

abandon the idea that your cock is small and unpretty, because these are subjective, extraneous details and everyone with a dick has the ability to take a great dick pic. 

you haven’t taken a great dick pic. you’re not holding your dick or doing anything with it; it’s just sitting there. you’ve ripped off you pants and left your hoodie on and just snapped this shot with no thought spared for the pose, framing or background. it’s low effort, and it shows.

have a squiz through the A grade submissions and give it another go.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

Please critique my dick pic… :)

image

you have done a good job here, sender.

you’ve included a decent chunk of your body — from shoulders down to mid thigh — and that is working well for you. the black and white lends a refined air without being too twee or forced, and i’m happy to see you touching yourself (although the angle of your hands is strange?).

nice work overall.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets an A-.

(no subject)

image

no no no no no no no.

the size of your dick is evident, okay? you don’t need to wedge a lighter against the base of your dick for scale, because we all have eyes. all this does is make your picture reek of desperation and insecurity, and detracts from any kind of eroticism or intimacy your picture may otherwise have had. worse still, it’s a blurry, low quality shot. 

this is not a good dick pic, sender. please peruse some of the A grade submissions and try again.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

Critique please :)

image

i tell senders to include their hands in their dick pics very frequently, and a while ago a reader asked me something along these lines: “i appreciate that you think hands should be included in dick pics, but is that always the case? mightn’t dick pics all start to look the same if they all include hands?”.

look: it’s possible to take a great dick pic that doesn’t have hands in it. here’s one, for a start. it’s just that i hardly ever see a dick pic without hands in it that couldn’t have been improved by the presence of hands, and this picture is no exception. i can understand why you might not have put them in, sender  something about maintaining the clean lines of your sides, perhaps  but i think that decision cost your picture some intimacy and warmth.

it’s otherwise a good picture. the framing, lighting and background are all well-considered. 

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a B+.

I tried!

image

the resigned tone of your subject line lets me know that you know that this is a terrible dick pic, and it is.

"i tried!" is not good enough, and not even true. you quite evidently didn’t try at all. you didn’t try enough to have fresh suds in the bath before you took this shot, you didn’t try enough to make your pose interesting and alluring, you didn’t try enough to make your dick look like anything but a half-floating off-center appendage. 

try harder.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D-.

something different…

image


I added a vignette and tried to think of what Ansel Adams would do you your website.

okay: i certainly appreciate the effort, but i don’t think adding a vignette is really saving your dick pic, which, let’s face it, is basically a dressed up log with a vignette added. it’s still too zoomed in and context-devoid to be a truly hot dick pic, and the arty black and white flourishes don’t save it from that.

in short: more of you in the shot please.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a C-.

Latino cock

image

nope, sender, not good. not good at all.

this is way too zoomed in and weirdly cropped and you look like you’ve been using that one instagram filter that rising rappers use. there’s no context or nuance to this picture, it’s just your dick unsubtly thrust forth. please try again and change pretty much everything, maybe after reading a few of the A grade entries.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D.

Girls have dicks too

image

this is definitely not a bad effort, sender. not bad at all.

i’m pleased that you’ve included so much of your body, including the bottom half of your face. you’ve given obvious thought to the framing and setting and your picture has a subdued and interesting tone. it’s slightly on the busy side, but overall it’s a good picture. you’ve done well.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets an A-.

Union dick

imageAs a bi man who spends a lot of time on the internet, I think your project is a wonderful idea, and I look forward to your critique of my photos.

you’ve put some thought into this dick pic, sender, and i appreciate that.

the background you’ve chosen is certainly congruent with the rest of the picture (it’s almost the same shade as you) and you’ve included a generous chunk of your torso and thighs. your pose and hand placement are well-considered. the tone of your dick pic is classic and refined — i feel like that comes at the expense of eroticism a wee bit, but overall i’m not mad at this dick pic at all.

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets an A-.

My bf’s dick

image

this picture was submitted by a friend of mine, and this is her boyfriend’s dick. she’s asked me to rate his dick pic.

Feel free to be harsh with him. He asked me to rank him one time and I gave him a 5 out of 10 lol

dude, this isn’t good. your own girlfriend has given you a five and she loves you and knows about all your good qualities and likes that cute thing you do with your mouth. i don’t know you, though. i just know that this is not a good dick pic.

the main problem is that it’s log-esque, with little surrounding detail or context. your dick pic doesn’t show a lot of thought or effort pose-wise, and there’s not enough of the rest of you in it. i’m pleased you’ve included your hand though, and the background is uncluttered, so good work on that. 

thank you for submitting to critique my dick pic. your dick pic gets a D+.